The picture perfect man!

When Mr.Soobramaneyam (name mutilated as per numerology) gets up in the morning, the clock strikes five. He sits up straight in his bed and says “Suklam Baratharam…” for the nth time in his life which has already earned him a safe berth in Heaven. After 15 minutes he is in shorts and a pure white T shirt and walks briskly till the Hanuman temple 2 kms. away. He stands for two minutes at the entrance with folded hands after which he puts his hand on his chest and slightly bends his head as a mark of showing obeisance to his Lord and turns back on his way back home.

His brands must be at least half a century old. In spite of the dazzling ads In the media of the latest brands, he has stuck to Colgate tooth paste, Hamam soap, Pond’s powder and Bata chapel for life. He wears a sky blue plain shirt tucked inside a grey colour pant. He wears it day after day and anyone known to him will be difficult to identify him if he wears something else. His hair is slightly more than a police constable is legally allowed to grow and sports a well trimmed Gemini Ganesan type moustache.

At 8.03am he catches the EMU to Beach station and settles down at the left corner window seat just behind the entrance. Regular travelers will vacate the seat for him if they have occupied it before. When the train starts moving, he will open “The Hindu” and before it reaches the Park station he would have finished the last page including the devotional feature.

At 10.00am sharp he buries himself under the files and at 11am he takes a vada and a tea with light sugar. He opens his lunch box at 1pm and mechanically devours the curd rice with chutney or chutney with curd rice. At 3.30pm he is at the canteen again to get another vada and tea. At 5pm he packs up everything and rushes out to catch 5.34pm EMU to Tambaram.

On Friday evening he treats himself liberally with an Appam kuruma or Onian dosa at Saravana Bhavan and buys Kumudam and Vikadan which will take care of his spare time in the next two holidays.

His grandfather, father and himself always vote for the Congress party. They think it is patriotic to associate themselves with anything called Congress and Gandhi, whether it is Mahatma Gandhi, Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi, Sonia Gandhi or Rahul Gandhi and his grand children.

He loves everything which is old, older and oldest. His store room is a museum of all vintage brands – Murphy radio, Calypso record player, Raleigh cycle and empty cans of Remy snow, Parry’s toffee and Brilgrim hair cream. He would rather build another store room to house these products than dispose them of for dates.

His wife Laksmi is a replica of the aunty portrayed in the serials – plain hair, bunny cheeks, barrel body and a disinterested look. Though they are married for seven years, they have hardly spoken anything beyond “What shall we have for dinner?” As soon as they finish dinner, they settle themselves before the TV screen and when the day’s episode of the”Kolangal” serial comes to an end, they go to bed without exchanging a single word between them.

All things good or bad must come to an end. Mr.Soobramaneyam was well prepared for the day. For the first time in his life, he got up 10mts. before the usual time. He quickly finished his prayer, had a cup of tea and hanged himself to death. Amen!